Kat starts high school next week. I'm the parent of a high school teenager! The last thirteen (almost fourteen, now) years have been quite a ride, I must say. I don't imagine what it's like to have more than one child. For me, one has been quite enough, thank you very much.
It's not that Kat is difficult. She's sometimes frustratingly incommunicative (at least towards me), but I have the feeling that that's true for most children in and around their teenage years, when they're figuring out who they are and who they want to be. Whether they figure out either during that period varies. Whatever they decide is likely to change as they continue to grow, anyway, so I don't want to ask her incessantly what she wants to do/be when she "grows up."
Ha ha.
Here I am, asking her about growing up! Peter told me something a couple of times, and I think my position in life does not encourage confidence in my response as of yet. He said, "The thing about having kids is that it forces you to become an adult."
I thought I was grown-up when I was yet in my early twenties! Old enough to know I wanted to have a stable, if not magnificent, career in architecture, that I'd find a suitable, if not perfect, lover/partner with whom I'd share the remainder of my days and nights. I actually thought more about being a mother (to a daughter) more than I thought about any future love life that would involve a man (or woman, for that matter).
I was not concerned, terribly, with longevity, but I think that's my depressive nature creeping forward. I've never been manic. I'd oft thought that it might have been fun to be bipolar because when you're up, you're feeling REALLY, REALLY UP. I had just received the curse of the downslides into depths out of which I'd felt helpless to crawl, much less climb. It was something beyond teenage angst. Beyond "blues." Something had been keeping me consistently down. Turned out to be chemical.
Indeed, it's a hole, and I hope never to fall or slide back into it. I recognize that I could never have survived in the not-too-distant past, because I would have been restricted to an asylum for the mentally disturbed, have received one of those godawful lobotomies, or just ended up dead, likely by my own hand. Instead, I am a fully-engaged member of the society in which I live. Not anything significant, by many means, but important to the people who are important to me.
It wasn't until what was, at first, a temporary fix, that I found a regimen that enabled me to help myself come out of that bottomless hole that is depression. I've been on several regimens since then.
Most had side effects that were temporarily acceptable, but in the long run became too deadening. I could not continue as a eunuch on Prozac. I did not survive as a slug on Effexor. Lexapro was a no-go. It was a long and arduous road I traveled to finally reach a healthy and stable place.
Perhaps I have grown up. I've taken responsibility for my own health (that's something, isn't it?), produced and am responsible for caring for the physical and mental health of my offspring, whom I love dearly. I am responsible enough to delegate to good, trustworthy people the well-being of Kat when I'm not available, though I try to be available as much as possible. I know I will never be omnipresent (and what kid would want that, anyway?). I'm trying to teach her independence without indifference. I realize she's a sensitive individual, very much like an amphibian: her skin is porous and absorbs pollutants quickly from her environment, so she'd be a perfect indicator species for the ecosystem in which she exists. I am responsible for keeping that environment, as much as I can, a healthy and nurturing one without coddling her into weakness. At the same, I want to expose her to things that will allow her to develop her physical and mental defenses against attack.
I sometimes wonder if I haven't cursed Kat with the same chemical disposition that I've suffered from. When she was much younger, I took her to counseling (when we first moved to San Diego) to see how she was developing socially. She still appears to relate to adults as well as she does with her peers. There are some facets of aging that are not attractive, and she sees that clearly, through me and through others. I think she's taken very much an observer's view of things as a writer. She doesn't oft show me her writing, and I fear that it is out of a fear that I will be too judgmental. I have only given her logistical, grammatical, spelling corrections before, never commenting on content. I want her to choose her subjects well, and run with them. I'm not the style police, nor do I want to be.
Kat's pretty earnest most of the time; I suppose I was an earnest child, as well. I remember two kids I knew as a young adolescent said to me, separately, "Gee, Nancy, you're always smiling." and "Why do you never smile?" Maybe I was fast-cycling bipolar when I was younger, but I don't, at any time, remember feeling unbreakable, super-confident, or certain (of myself). The only thing I was sure of was that I did not consistently want to make too much effort to remain alive.
Maybe it was a phase I was going through that just took a very long time for me to grow out of? All I know is that when I've tried, in the past, to leave the meds behind, I'd relapse. The lethargy of being unable to do anything was excruciating.
I never made physical preparations for my own demise, but merely (merely?) imagined how well off everyone would be if I no longer existed. Sure, there might be some temporary sorrow, but there would not be any gaping hole left in anyone's life. Realistically, though, I don't know how much I'd want to leave such a gaping hole now in anyone's life if I were to cease. I'd want to be remembered, however. Once Kat was born, I knew that there was no way I could ever indulge in fantasies of my own demise because now I had someone else to care for. When she was young, I would think to myself, "How horrible it would be to be brought into the world by someone who then chose to leave it?" It would be devastating. I didn't want to put that kind of weight on Kat, when she was an infant, when she was a toddler, when she was a small child, and now, when she's old enough to understand depression and anxiety, at least to a certain extent.
Of course, now that I'm on maintenance meds that keep me stable and somewhat uplifted, I can share in many good pursuits with Kat. For instance, though there were some very rough spots during Advanced Bakeshop Skills, the class we took together, it was, overall, an enjoyable learning experience (I hope for both of us - it was for me).
I return, now, to the process of becoming an adult, of developing into one's full self. I'm still pursuing... something. I know Kat will pursue her own dreams and desires. It will be most excellent to watch her and assist her (when needed) in achieving her adult, full self.
Friday, August 29, 2014
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
A Return to Founding Fundamentals for SDNA(&A): A Personal Political Polemic (of Sorts)
The recent organizer of the San Diego New Atheists and Agnostics, Michael, was recruited to another city for a medical residency, so Pedro Sousa has returned to his previously-held post as Organizer of the San Diego New Atheists and Agnostics. The original name of the group was the San Diego New Atheists. The "and Agnostics" was added at a later date, for inclusiveness, I suppose.
Many of us (Assistant Organizers) in leadership roles are happy with Pedro's return, as SDNA (before the addition of & Agnostics - for inclusiveness, presumably) is an organization founded on the development of interpersonal relationships, not political or social agendas.
When I first joined the group, which I did upon moving to San Diego from Albuquerque, my comment on the group, after my first Meetup, was that it was as a friendly social group that is just that - social. I still feel that way. To me, discussing religions and their ills is boring and nonconstructive.
Religions' acolytes make travel to certain parts of the world dangerous for the likes of me, but considering the places that they find "holy" and valuable, like the deserts of northern Africa and the Middle East, I do not hold too much fear that my personal movements will be limited, as I prefer lush, water-rich islands and coastal terrain. If the muslims and jews want to fight a war over a patch of sandy and rocky desert, I would be just as happy let them slaughter each other. As long as they don't involve the rest of us who couldn't give a flying f*ck what name to assign to the deity in charge, I'm in favor of the religiously-minded killing each other off. This might sound cold, but in reality, I'd much prefer they kill each other in the name of fighting over who's god's bigger than that they kill nonbelievers who are all, in reality, innocent bystanders...
It appears that there is a faction in SDNA&A who are in favor of the group becoming a political vehicle for social and political change. While I don't want to deny them SDNA&A as a place to meet likeminded individuals, I don't find their preachy attitude very attractive. I believe that the last thing SDNA&A needs to be is a place in which one feels alienated if one does not want to be a political activist. Political activists have met each other in social settings before. Remember Stonewall? It remained a safe gathering place for those who needed it without becoming a political institution itself.
There are nonbelievers who have begun "Sunday Assemblies" which appear, in effect, to be ceremonies from which the religion has been extracted. I have yet to attend one, as I feel no necessity to "commune" with others in a fixed, structured way. In other words, I feel no need for ritual. One of the reasons I left religion was the weekly practice of comparing wardrobes, as George Carlin so astutely pointed out so many years ago.
If SDNA had been originally cast as a political group, I'm not sure I would have joined. I know others who feel the same way. What we want is not to rant and rave against any particular flavor of religion all the time, because such activities are, as I stated above, a TOTAL BORE. We'd simply rather enjoy each other's human and humane company because nobody is going to mention such repulsive fictions as Jesus Christ or Allah.
The Coalition of Reason celebrates diversity. The nonbeliever community, including SDNA(&A), always has a contingent at the annual PRIDE parade. However, I do not want SDNA(&A) to become synonymous with the Coalition of Reason's other member organizations. There are already groups that are more focused on the intellectual development of arguments in favor of rational thought and logic.
There are groups that are more politically-driven and who participate more actively in the table conversations in Balboa Park on Saturday mornings. But I believe it is vitally important to have a purely social group, and that is how SDNA(&A) was founded. I believe it can and should hold true to its founding charter to be a safe social space. Not a place for angry old atheists who only want to talk about how much they've been wronged by their respective religions, but a place of growth, joy, and love, free from the bounds of religious dogma.
Many of us (Assistant Organizers) in leadership roles are happy with Pedro's return, as SDNA (before the addition of & Agnostics - for inclusiveness, presumably) is an organization founded on the development of interpersonal relationships, not political or social agendas.
When I first joined the group, which I did upon moving to San Diego from Albuquerque, my comment on the group, after my first Meetup, was that it was as a friendly social group that is just that - social. I still feel that way. To me, discussing religions and their ills is boring and nonconstructive.
Religions' acolytes make travel to certain parts of the world dangerous for the likes of me, but considering the places that they find "holy" and valuable, like the deserts of northern Africa and the Middle East, I do not hold too much fear that my personal movements will be limited, as I prefer lush, water-rich islands and coastal terrain. If the muslims and jews want to fight a war over a patch of sandy and rocky desert, I would be just as happy let them slaughter each other. As long as they don't involve the rest of us who couldn't give a flying f*ck what name to assign to the deity in charge, I'm in favor of the religiously-minded killing each other off. This might sound cold, but in reality, I'd much prefer they kill each other in the name of fighting over who's god's bigger than that they kill nonbelievers who are all, in reality, innocent bystanders...
It appears that there is a faction in SDNA&A who are in favor of the group becoming a political vehicle for social and political change. While I don't want to deny them SDNA&A as a place to meet likeminded individuals, I don't find their preachy attitude very attractive. I believe that the last thing SDNA&A needs to be is a place in which one feels alienated if one does not want to be a political activist. Political activists have met each other in social settings before. Remember Stonewall? It remained a safe gathering place for those who needed it without becoming a political institution itself.
There are nonbelievers who have begun "Sunday Assemblies" which appear, in effect, to be ceremonies from which the religion has been extracted. I have yet to attend one, as I feel no necessity to "commune" with others in a fixed, structured way. In other words, I feel no need for ritual. One of the reasons I left religion was the weekly practice of comparing wardrobes, as George Carlin so astutely pointed out so many years ago.
If SDNA had been originally cast as a political group, I'm not sure I would have joined. I know others who feel the same way. What we want is not to rant and rave against any particular flavor of religion all the time, because such activities are, as I stated above, a TOTAL BORE. We'd simply rather enjoy each other's human and humane company because nobody is going to mention such repulsive fictions as Jesus Christ or Allah.
The Coalition of Reason celebrates diversity. The nonbeliever community, including SDNA(&A), always has a contingent at the annual PRIDE parade. However, I do not want SDNA(&A) to become synonymous with the Coalition of Reason's other member organizations. There are already groups that are more focused on the intellectual development of arguments in favor of rational thought and logic.
There are groups that are more politically-driven and who participate more actively in the table conversations in Balboa Park on Saturday mornings. But I believe it is vitally important to have a purely social group, and that is how SDNA(&A) was founded. I believe it can and should hold true to its founding charter to be a safe social space. Not a place for angry old atheists who only want to talk about how much they've been wronged by their respective religions, but a place of growth, joy, and love, free from the bounds of religious dogma.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Catching Up
We (Peter and I) just returned from a weeklong dive vacation, so I'm returning to reality. Much of modern life takes a break when one is limited to the resources (electronic, electric, sanitary) of a small mid-Pacific island. It does, though, provide a degree of freedom. Other than having to meter out the use of things that I had in very limited quantity (like the charge on the battery in my camera, since I'd forgotten to bring the extra battery and the battery charger), there were things that were lovely to have in abundance, like the fresh, deep green tangerines that are native to Kosrae. We ate these on the dive boat along with fresh native bananas. I ate many servings of breadfruit chips (something between our own potato chips and fries) during lunches and dinners, and my breakfasts consistently included slices of fresh papaya which were longer and generally larger than the Hawaiian papayas I've had in the past.
I indulged in things such as free-flowing coffee and iced coffee (with which I kept myself somewhat hydrated, along with liberal douses of rainwater for drinking). We made two boat dives per day. We were the only divers at the resort for the week we were there, so we had the dive boat to ourselves, as well as the DM (Dive Master), Salek, who served as our guide and dive leader. He held a line to a float that allowed the dive boat to follow us, as we were primarily on "drift" dives, during which we floated along with the current, which was sometimes quite strong and swift, as can be seen in this movie Peter captured:
We watched fruit bats flying during our walks in the evening dusk, tried stand-up paddling (the first time for either of us) one afternoon, and occasionally ate in the covered outdoor seating area of the restaurant, where we could watch the rain that sometimes fell torrentially.
It was idyllic in many ways. Although we live in one divers' paradise (and there are many great SCUBA dive sites in Southern California), I had never experienced warm water diving. along with the varied and fascinating sea life, like this before. And it was wonderful! The brightly-colored living coral, both hard and soft, anemones, fish, including barracuda, eagle rays, and the young sea turtle I swam with all made the trip memorable.
I was reminded, though, of reality when we went to one marina, however, because next to the road, near the marina, was a sign that advertised a campaign for preparing the islands for climate change. There, where everyday lives are dependent on the ocean and its vicissitudes, people are recognizing and facing the reality that is climate change. Here, in San Diego, our local government is also preparing for the effects of climate change, as well, though I'm not convinced it is seen as emergent an event as it is on the islands where most people live within a mere few feet of sea level.
No, they do not drive electric vehicles on the islands (their electricity is, unfortunately, made by burning diesel). When speaking with Adam, a young historian who led us on a tour of historic sites on the island, we mentioned seeing an aquaculture center, which turned out to have been a private enterprise established by a man who essentially wanted legal cover for taking and selling tens of thousands of reef fish from the island and its surrounding waters.
There is hope, though, that there will be sustainable practices used and taught there in the future, as that businessman owner appears to have abandoned the project and it has been taken over by local authorities who have a less selfish and commercial view of the institution.
The owners of the resort where we stayed (and I use the term "resort" advisedly) are Australian natives, as are their sons and daughter-in-law. One son was the main Dive Master and dive operator, and the younger served as our boat driver for the last two days of diving (we had five dive days total while there). The parents were on a three-month holiday and would not return until October. Sounds like the business is doing well for them, at least.
But now that I am returned to San Diego, I will start on the projects which I began to think about while we were still in Advanced Bakeshop Skills, including making chocolate confections using corn syrup to prevent crystallization of the sugar and grinding my own cocoa beans which had been given to me by my parents, who procured them on a trip on which they cruised through the Panama Canal.
I now have another ingredient to look for in grocery stores: breadfruit. I wonder what its interior really feels like when it is fresh, for it appears to have a central core from which fibers grow to an outer skin. The texture appears that way, at least. I will need to research my local markets and see if any of them carry it, and report if I find them.
I had originally intended to list each meal as we had them, but after the first couple of days, I realized that this was no foodie holiday. The food was definitely secondary to the outdoor activities. They also had kayaks out back near the mangrove, but we didn't take the opportunity to take any of them out (we went paddling on boards, instead).
Enough. I'm sure there will be more substantive topics for me to cover in future installments. For now, I'm relaxing and getting ready for sending Kat back to school.
I indulged in things such as free-flowing coffee and iced coffee (with which I kept myself somewhat hydrated, along with liberal douses of rainwater for drinking). We made two boat dives per day. We were the only divers at the resort for the week we were there, so we had the dive boat to ourselves, as well as the DM (Dive Master), Salek, who served as our guide and dive leader. He held a line to a float that allowed the dive boat to follow us, as we were primarily on "drift" dives, during which we floated along with the current, which was sometimes quite strong and swift, as can be seen in this movie Peter captured:
It was idyllic in many ways. Although we live in one divers' paradise (and there are many great SCUBA dive sites in Southern California), I had never experienced warm water diving. along with the varied and fascinating sea life, like this before. And it was wonderful! The brightly-colored living coral, both hard and soft, anemones, fish, including barracuda, eagle rays, and the young sea turtle I swam with all made the trip memorable.
I was reminded, though, of reality when we went to one marina, however, because next to the road, near the marina, was a sign that advertised a campaign for preparing the islands for climate change. There, where everyday lives are dependent on the ocean and its vicissitudes, people are recognizing and facing the reality that is climate change. Here, in San Diego, our local government is also preparing for the effects of climate change, as well, though I'm not convinced it is seen as emergent an event as it is on the islands where most people live within a mere few feet of sea level.
No, they do not drive electric vehicles on the islands (their electricity is, unfortunately, made by burning diesel). When speaking with Adam, a young historian who led us on a tour of historic sites on the island, we mentioned seeing an aquaculture center, which turned out to have been a private enterprise established by a man who essentially wanted legal cover for taking and selling tens of thousands of reef fish from the island and its surrounding waters.
There is hope, though, that there will be sustainable practices used and taught there in the future, as that businessman owner appears to have abandoned the project and it has been taken over by local authorities who have a less selfish and commercial view of the institution.
The owners of the resort where we stayed (and I use the term "resort" advisedly) are Australian natives, as are their sons and daughter-in-law. One son was the main Dive Master and dive operator, and the younger served as our boat driver for the last two days of diving (we had five dive days total while there). The parents were on a three-month holiday and would not return until October. Sounds like the business is doing well for them, at least.
But now that I am returned to San Diego, I will start on the projects which I began to think about while we were still in Advanced Bakeshop Skills, including making chocolate confections using corn syrup to prevent crystallization of the sugar and grinding my own cocoa beans which had been given to me by my parents, who procured them on a trip on which they cruised through the Panama Canal.
I now have another ingredient to look for in grocery stores: breadfruit. I wonder what its interior really feels like when it is fresh, for it appears to have a central core from which fibers grow to an outer skin. The texture appears that way, at least. I will need to research my local markets and see if any of them carry it, and report if I find them.
I had originally intended to list each meal as we had them, but after the first couple of days, I realized that this was no foodie holiday. The food was definitely secondary to the outdoor activities. They also had kayaks out back near the mangrove, but we didn't take the opportunity to take any of them out (we went paddling on boards, instead).
Enough. I'm sure there will be more substantive topics for me to cover in future installments. For now, I'm relaxing and getting ready for sending Kat back to school.
Friday, August 8, 2014
Air Hockey, Dance Dance Revolution, and Pool (the billiard-type)
Last night, I hosted a Meetup that started with dinner at an inexpensive sushi restaurant (I think about half of their business is take-out). One young man joined us for dinner only, as he had another commitment later in the evening. So that left four of us: Kat, Peter, Doug, and me, to go to the bowling lanes that happened to be located in the same shopping center. The first thing we did was take a stroll up and down the main hallway, in order to see anyone who had decided to skip dinner and just come for bowling. Nobody appeared obviously looking for others to join their party. I'd noticed a couple of pool tables in a room opposite the lanes along the hallway, and suggested that instead of bowling, we could shoot some pool. The idea was well-accepted, and we went into what turned out was a small arcade. There were video games lining two walls, and two pool tables at a wider end of the room opposite the entry desk where the employees stood to greet people as they came in.
Kat challenged me to a game of air hockey, and I accepted, remembering how much I loved that game because of its randomness, the click of the puck hitting the sides of the table, and the memory of having played well when I was (much) younger. I started the game by knocking the puck into my own goal. Kat and I laughed, and we continued play as Peter and Doug chatted and watched. After Kat won our game, it was time to shoot some pool!
We decided to play at the table closer to the door because the other table had less clearance from the machines at one end of the room. Peter said that I'd be his partner, so Kat and Doug played as a team. Peter broke, and Kat played after him. Then I took a shot, and then Doug took his turn. We all shared one cue, as it appeared to be the only one that had an intact "bumper" at its business end. Doug showed himself to be a very good player (Peter was good, Kat was pretty good, and I was lucky a couple times). At one point, he'd cleared the table and so it was down to the 8 ball, and who would end up "sinking" it. Peter took a shot, then Kat. When my turn came, it looked like a pretty easy shot, though I was still wary, as I have had the experience of missing easy shots.
Kat wanted to play on the Dance machine, and I had enough for her to play on her own while the three adults watched and hung out. After three perfectly stepped songs, the game was over. Hmmm, I thought, bummer that she does not get to continue her game because she had a perfect score thus far. Oh, well.
Doug loaned his copy of "Cowspiracy" to me to watch and/or make a copy, as I'd forgotten to being a blank dvd to give to him for making a copy. Peter has such a device, so he will be able to make the copy.
It was not late when we left the shopping center, which was fine, as Doug was getting up early in the morning and Peter and I planned to go to the gym early as well. It was a very nice evening spent, indeed.
Kat challenged me to a game of air hockey, and I accepted, remembering how much I loved that game because of its randomness, the click of the puck hitting the sides of the table, and the memory of having played well when I was (much) younger. I started the game by knocking the puck into my own goal. Kat and I laughed, and we continued play as Peter and Doug chatted and watched. After Kat won our game, it was time to shoot some pool!
We decided to play at the table closer to the door because the other table had less clearance from the machines at one end of the room. Peter said that I'd be his partner, so Kat and Doug played as a team. Peter broke, and Kat played after him. Then I took a shot, and then Doug took his turn. We all shared one cue, as it appeared to be the only one that had an intact "bumper" at its business end. Doug showed himself to be a very good player (Peter was good, Kat was pretty good, and I was lucky a couple times). At one point, he'd cleared the table and so it was down to the 8 ball, and who would end up "sinking" it. Peter took a shot, then Kat. When my turn came, it looked like a pretty easy shot, though I was still wary, as I have had the experience of missing easy shots.
Kat wanted to play on the Dance machine, and I had enough for her to play on her own while the three adults watched and hung out. After three perfectly stepped songs, the game was over. Hmmm, I thought, bummer that she does not get to continue her game because she had a perfect score thus far. Oh, well.
Doug loaned his copy of "Cowspiracy" to me to watch and/or make a copy, as I'd forgotten to being a blank dvd to give to him for making a copy. Peter has such a device, so he will be able to make the copy.
It was not late when we left the shopping center, which was fine, as Doug was getting up early in the morning and Peter and I planned to go to the gym early as well. It was a very nice evening spent, indeed.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Baking a Green, Round, Organic Squash from Suzie's
We've had this squash (along with two smaller ones) sitting on the counter next to the teamaker (it's a Mr. Coffee, but I use it exclusively for tea, using my smaller coffeemaker for coffee) since Kat and I went to Suzie's Farm for a tour, about a month ago now. I cut it in half and am baking it in a pan with about 1/4" water. After it bakes through, I will scoop out the flesh and mash it with some butter, cinnamon, nutmeg, mace, maybe a pinch of ground cloves, and brown sugar. I think I may roast it again, with additional butter on top. I'm considering adding some cream cheese to the mash to make it creamier, too. We won't be eating it right away, though, because I'd made a makeshift frittata for breakfast this morning and Kat has not yet emerged from her room.
I was thinking about going to the gym today, but will wait until after the squash comes out of the oven, since I might want to give it time to cool a bit before scooping it out and mashing it. The cream cheese is sitting out to soften.
I just noticed that I still have a few bricks of cream cheese in the fridge drawer. I think they want to be turned into cheesecake...
But first, I'd bought a bunch of halved pecans from Sprouts, where they're on sale for about half price, with which I plan to make a pecan pie, with a typical corn syrup-egg custard. I'll look up a recipe and write it down after I prepare it. In the meantime, here is a recipe for what I call Lemon Whip, as the texture is unlike lemon curd, but the flavor is just as delicious:
Meyer Lemon Whip
Ingredients:
2 fresh, large Meyer lemons
6 oz. granulated sugar
3 large eggs, beaten
Method:
Zest lemons as completely as possible, then juice them, making sure to leave the seeds out, though a little bit of pulp is okay.
Place the juice, zest, and sugar into a double boiler and whisk it as it cooks over low heat until it thickens. This can take a while, about fifteen minutes.
Pour whip into a clean glass jar and cool completely.
The whip will keep for about a week in the fridge if you have more self-control than Kat and I.
11:39a:
Forgot to add sugar, but mashed the squash with about 2 oz. cream cheese. It's quite creamy now, baking in two soufflé dishes, in the toaster oven, getting ready for lunch.
I was thinking about going to the gym today, but will wait until after the squash comes out of the oven, since I might want to give it time to cool a bit before scooping it out and mashing it. The cream cheese is sitting out to soften.
I just noticed that I still have a few bricks of cream cheese in the fridge drawer. I think they want to be turned into cheesecake...
But first, I'd bought a bunch of halved pecans from Sprouts, where they're on sale for about half price, with which I plan to make a pecan pie, with a typical corn syrup-egg custard. I'll look up a recipe and write it down after I prepare it. In the meantime, here is a recipe for what I call Lemon Whip, as the texture is unlike lemon curd, but the flavor is just as delicious:
Meyer Lemon Whip
Ingredients:
2 fresh, large Meyer lemons
6 oz. granulated sugar
3 large eggs, beaten
Method:
Zest lemons as completely as possible, then juice them, making sure to leave the seeds out, though a little bit of pulp is okay.
Place the juice, zest, and sugar into a double boiler and whisk it as it cooks over low heat until it thickens. This can take a while, about fifteen minutes.
Pour whip into a clean glass jar and cool completely.
The whip will keep for about a week in the fridge if you have more self-control than Kat and I.
11:39a:
Forgot to add sugar, but mashed the squash with about 2 oz. cream cheese. It's quite creamy now, baking in two soufflé dishes, in the toaster oven, getting ready for lunch.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Muffins!
This recipe is a blend of a few that I found in different sources, either online or in a book. I use Joy of Cooking for a lot of basics, like baking temperatures and time estimates, but often find substitutions and additions online from various sites, some of which cater to specific types of diets. I took elements of vegetarian and "paleo" recipes and incorporated them into these, which are, when all is said and done, really consumable only by standard omnivores or ovo-lacto vegetarians.
Banana, Apricot, & Oat Muffins
This recipe makes one dozen standard-sized (small by today's standards, but not mini) muffins
Ingredients:
2
large or 3 medium-sized bananas, mashed (about 3/4 to 1 1/4 c.)
1 T. citrus zest (I used orange and grapefruit that I had left over from baking cookies)
1/2
c. brown sugar
3 T. coconut oil
1
large egg
1/2-1
t. almond extract
1-2
t. vanilla extract
1/3
c. coconut milk
1
t. baking powder
1/4
t. salt
1/2
c. whole wheat flour
1/4
c. rolled oats
1/4
c. coconut flour
Method:
Preheat
oven to 400ºF. Grease regular
12-cup muffin pan liberally.
Mix
together all wet ingredients in one medium-sized bowl. Add zest.
Mix
all dry ingredients in a large bowl. Add chopped apricots to dry
ingredients, stirring to coat.
When
oven is preheated, pour wet ingredients and mashed bananas over dry
and fold everything together in a few strokes. There may be "dry spots" in the batter, but that's okay, because you don't want to develop any gluten in the muffins (so that they come out suitably crumbly).
Divide batter among baking cups; the cups will be pretty full. Additional rolled oats may be sprinkled on top of muffins, if desired, to make them prettier or more expressive.
Bake
for 23 minutes, then check for doneness with toothpick. Toothpick will probably come out clean, but if there are a few moist crumbs on it, that's fine, too.
Remove pan from oven and place on cooling rack for 5 minutes.
Remove
muffins from pan and finish cooling them on the rack.
I've been thinking about my behavior and its consequences on my relationships with those I love and hold dear and those relationships which make life more pleasant (or not) and may be deemed socially important but in reality are minor and, if not fleeting, ephemeral at best.
I will, at times, completely lose it and yell and gesticulate. It's something that almost invariably takes me by surprise, or at least it appears that way until I think about the event afterward, when I'm feeling more controlled and calm. Unfortunately for us, Kat has been the target of my angry bursts (not exactly tantrums, but...). I (finally!) apologized for having yelled at her when she'd had an accident in class one night which caused us to lose about a third of our product. I had put a lot of pressure on myself (and, therefore, Kat as well) to make things come out well, for I was nervous (and therefore) bossy. I sometimes see that same behavior in Kat and have to remind myself that I do not want her to have to learn, when she's my age, that such behavior is personally, as well as socially, unacceptable. I'd love to teach her without making her go through the grief, for that regret, that self-loathing, is something that I would not wish upon anyone I hold dear.
The INFJ personality type, on the Myers-Briggs spectrum, is supposedly a very rare combination, so there are not a lot of us around. So rare, supposedly, that it's truly unlikely for us to encounter one another (without seeking each other out, I suppose). I think Peter's INTP, as he is more thoughtful and perceptive than feeling and judgmental. He's a self-described "gregarious introvert." I'm a judgmental introvert, occasionally distant, but sometimes seemingly aggressive. It's something that I'm not proud of, but something that I acknowledge and can only try to change as long as I'm alive, for to be alive is to change, is it not?
20140802: A Good Day
I woke up earlier than Kat and Peter this morning, so I came to the dining table and wasted a lot of time online looking at pictures and watching videos of evolutionarily fascinating, yet almost grotesque, creatures. Some, like the blobfish, were merely unattractive, others actually looked as if their functioning was compromised by their physical attributes, or their behaviors would be their demise during their very brief lives. The website is called "WTF, Evolution?" and it's a pretty entertaining read.
I brought tea to Peter, who still snoozed in bed. Am endlich (finally!), sah ich (I saw), dass die Zeit shon elf war (that the time was already eleven). I had RSPD'd us for lunch in Little Italy with a new Meetup group (new to me, it's been in existence for a couple months at this point). Since the weather canceled our diving and snorkeling plan, I'd looked again at possible activities for the day and had decided that lunch with a new group of new acquaintances would be fun, especially over lunch!
The three of us made up half of the entire party through most of lunch. The three women whom we met were Audrey Rose, the organizer and host, Virginia, and Cindy. They were all older women, probably at minimum in their early to mid-70's (from how they appeared to me, anyway). Kat sat between Peter and me on one long side of the table, Audrey Rose sat at my end, Virginia sat opposite me, and Cindy sat opposite Kat.
One woman joined us much later, after we'd already finished eating and were actually just about getting ready to be on our way. Her name was Christine, and she appeared to be by far the youngest because she appeared to be the most physically fit and active. She'd spent her early afternoon playing volleyball, and was just coming from that. She apologized for potentially smelling bad, but Peter, who was sitting kitty-corner to her right, didn't make mention of any offensive odor. She spends months out of the year in Argentina (she goes twice annually, she said, and will be going again in October or November and staying until next April). The restaurant we were in was an Argentinian restaurant. I think she said she'd never been to this restaurant before, which makes sense. If one is traveling to a foreign country, why waste one's taste buds on local presentations of the style of cuisine from that country when soon enough, one will get the authentic item?
After lunch, we crossed the street to a shop that sold cheeses, sausages, oils (mostly varieties of olive), and pastas. In addition, they sold Nutella, which Kat wanted me to buy, as the price was less than it would have been at a more typical supermarket, like Sprouts or Albertsons. Peter saw a colleague/friend of his and went to chat with him for a bit while Kat and I looked at a couple of flavored balsamic vinegars (fig- and raspberry-infused).
We continued our walk up India Street to the cafe on the corner where I'd been with Liz before. I don't remember the name of it, but it's not got a terribly large preparation/"kitchen" area, but did have many outdoor seats and several indoor seats. We read different parts of a newspaper, then decided to take a walk down toward the water, where there was supposedly a Scandinavian "stuff" store.
We walked into a shopping center called the Headquarters, where we found Venissimo Cheeses and tasted a few of their products. Peter bought one that tasted particularly good. We sat on the low wall between the walkway and the water, and observed some small crabs crawling among the riprap.
Slowly walking along the waterfront path, we passed through the small parklike area north of the County Services Building and finally reached the car (yes, I drove us down instead of taking the bus because the bus would have cost more and taken much, much longer to get from point to point).
By the time we'd stepped into our flat, it was already near seven o'clock. I looked in my scheduling/date book and saw that I'd planned, earlier, to take both Peter and Kat to see "Cowspiracy," which was being shown again by one of my environmental groups. Turns out that my friend, with whom I'd gone to see the movie initially, had purchased a copy and offered to burn me a copy if I had a blank DVD to use. I asked Peter if we could procure one by the sushi and bowling outing on Thursday, and he said yes.
So, soon I'll have a copy of the movie which I can share with more people, and Peter can form a better-informed judgment of the documentary.
In the meantime, I'm still baking and experimenting. Today, I massaged a recipe to include some ingredients that I've been itching to use since I bought them:
Banana Oatmeal Muffins
Ingredients:
2 medium bananas, mashed (about a cup or so of pulp)
1/2 c. whole wheat flour
1/4 c. A-P flour
1/4 c. coconut flour
1/2 c. rolled oats
1 t. baking powder
1/4 t. salt
3 T. vegetable oil
1 large egg
1/3 c. coconut milk
1/2 c. brown sugar, full but unpacked
1 t. vanilla extract
1/2 t. almond extract
1/3 c. finely chopped dried apricots (I left these out by mistake - oops.)
1 T. rolled oats (optional - I left these out to make them pretty plain)
Preheat oven to 350 Fahrenheit.
In a large bowl, mix together the flours, rolled oats, baking powder, and salt.
In a medium-sized bowl, beat together the vegetable oil, egg, coconut milk, brown sugar, and extracts.
Pour liquid ingredients over the flour mixture and fold the liquid into the dry until mostly incorporated but still lumpy. Stir in mashed bananas.
[The moisture completely bakes into the dry ingredients without developing the gluten, giving the muffins a "cakier" texture.]
Divide into a 12 standard cupcake/muffin pan.
Bake for about 20 minutes, then add 3 minutes at a time if the muffins don't spring back when pressed lightly. [Ours were done baking in just over 20 minutes.]
Allow muffins to cool, in the pan on a cooling rack, for about five minutes. Remove the muffins from the pan and allow to cool completely on the rack.
These muffins come out wonderfully moist and flavorful.
I brought tea to Peter, who still snoozed in bed. Am endlich (finally!), sah ich (I saw), dass die Zeit shon elf war (that the time was already eleven). I had RSPD'd us for lunch in Little Italy with a new Meetup group (new to me, it's been in existence for a couple months at this point). Since the weather canceled our diving and snorkeling plan, I'd looked again at possible activities for the day and had decided that lunch with a new group of new acquaintances would be fun, especially over lunch!
The three of us made up half of the entire party through most of lunch. The three women whom we met were Audrey Rose, the organizer and host, Virginia, and Cindy. They were all older women, probably at minimum in their early to mid-70's (from how they appeared to me, anyway). Kat sat between Peter and me on one long side of the table, Audrey Rose sat at my end, Virginia sat opposite me, and Cindy sat opposite Kat.
One woman joined us much later, after we'd already finished eating and were actually just about getting ready to be on our way. Her name was Christine, and she appeared to be by far the youngest because she appeared to be the most physically fit and active. She'd spent her early afternoon playing volleyball, and was just coming from that. She apologized for potentially smelling bad, but Peter, who was sitting kitty-corner to her right, didn't make mention of any offensive odor. She spends months out of the year in Argentina (she goes twice annually, she said, and will be going again in October or November and staying until next April). The restaurant we were in was an Argentinian restaurant. I think she said she'd never been to this restaurant before, which makes sense. If one is traveling to a foreign country, why waste one's taste buds on local presentations of the style of cuisine from that country when soon enough, one will get the authentic item?
After lunch, we crossed the street to a shop that sold cheeses, sausages, oils (mostly varieties of olive), and pastas. In addition, they sold Nutella, which Kat wanted me to buy, as the price was less than it would have been at a more typical supermarket, like Sprouts or Albertsons. Peter saw a colleague/friend of his and went to chat with him for a bit while Kat and I looked at a couple of flavored balsamic vinegars (fig- and raspberry-infused).
We continued our walk up India Street to the cafe on the corner where I'd been with Liz before. I don't remember the name of it, but it's not got a terribly large preparation/"kitchen" area, but did have many outdoor seats and several indoor seats. We read different parts of a newspaper, then decided to take a walk down toward the water, where there was supposedly a Scandinavian "stuff" store.
We walked into a shopping center called the Headquarters, where we found Venissimo Cheeses and tasted a few of their products. Peter bought one that tasted particularly good. We sat on the low wall between the walkway and the water, and observed some small crabs crawling among the riprap.
Slowly walking along the waterfront path, we passed through the small parklike area north of the County Services Building and finally reached the car (yes, I drove us down instead of taking the bus because the bus would have cost more and taken much, much longer to get from point to point).
By the time we'd stepped into our flat, it was already near seven o'clock. I looked in my scheduling/date book and saw that I'd planned, earlier, to take both Peter and Kat to see "Cowspiracy," which was being shown again by one of my environmental groups. Turns out that my friend, with whom I'd gone to see the movie initially, had purchased a copy and offered to burn me a copy if I had a blank DVD to use. I asked Peter if we could procure one by the sushi and bowling outing on Thursday, and he said yes.
So, soon I'll have a copy of the movie which I can share with more people, and Peter can form a better-informed judgment of the documentary.
In the meantime, I'm still baking and experimenting. Today, I massaged a recipe to include some ingredients that I've been itching to use since I bought them:
Banana Oatmeal Muffins
Ingredients:
2 medium bananas, mashed (about a cup or so of pulp)
1/2 c. whole wheat flour
1/4 c. A-P flour
1/4 c. coconut flour
1/2 c. rolled oats
1 t. baking powder
1/4 t. salt
3 T. vegetable oil
1 large egg
1/3 c. coconut milk
1/2 c. brown sugar, full but unpacked
1 t. vanilla extract
1/2 t. almond extract
1/3 c. finely chopped dried apricots (I left these out by mistake - oops.)
1 T. rolled oats (optional - I left these out to make them pretty plain)
Preheat oven to 350 Fahrenheit.
In a large bowl, mix together the flours, rolled oats, baking powder, and salt.
In a medium-sized bowl, beat together the vegetable oil, egg, coconut milk, brown sugar, and extracts.
Pour liquid ingredients over the flour mixture and fold the liquid into the dry until mostly incorporated but still lumpy. Stir in mashed bananas.
[The moisture completely bakes into the dry ingredients without developing the gluten, giving the muffins a "cakier" texture.]
Divide into a 12 standard cupcake/muffin pan.
Bake for about 20 minutes, then add 3 minutes at a time if the muffins don't spring back when pressed lightly. [Ours were done baking in just over 20 minutes.]
Allow muffins to cool, in the pan on a cooling rack, for about five minutes. Remove the muffins from the pan and allow to cool completely on the rack.
These muffins come out wonderfully moist and flavorful.
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Oh, Who Gives a Flying... ?
Saw a Facebook repost by a good friend (Katie) that referred to an article about the art of "not giving a fuck." This was followed by another response, a picture of a rodent, with text indicating that the person ran out of shit to give, so there was a rat's ass...
Peter has told me that one of the things he liked about me was the ease with which I use the word "fuck." I've heard comedians' great skits (particularly the first one I ever saw, by George Carlin, whose humor, intelligence, and sense of decency I loved while he was alive and appreciate even more now, when I watch him on Youtube).
As a term, I remember when I first noticed people, mainly teenagers, using the word as a "swear" word.
I was in Germany, in 1988, as part of an exchange program at my high school. I spent a few weeks in the city of Frankfurt, with a family whose name I no longer remember. The family I stayed with had Romanisch roots; their ancestors might have been considered "gypsies." It appeared that all the German high school students regularly used the word when something happened that was not to their liking, much like the way that many Americans will say Oh, shit! upon closing the car door with the keys in the ignition. It's been over twenty years since then (just missed my 25th high school reunion this year). I think it was George Carlin who said at one point that an entire sentence can be made, only using the word fuck, with different inflections, for each part of the sentence. Without using "fuckity-fuck-fuck," we don't even need that!
I remember shocking the guidance counselor at K's middle school when I went in for a conference about a year and a half ago. She was concerned that K was not interacting with other pupils quite as much or quite in the same manner as the other kids (I hesitate to use the word "children" because she's 12 at the time). The counselor'd said something about K not responding to the other kids in a typical manner for someone her age (I forget the exact wording now), and I said to her, "Well, if she doesn't like them, they can go to hell." My friend, Joe, who'd accompanied me to the meeting, told me later how the shock showed on her face (I must have been either oblivious to, or had blocked out, her physical appearance at the time). Oh, well. Words are words.
There are better essays out in cyberspace about fuck:
http://inoveryourhead.net/the-complete-guide-to-not-giving-a-fuck/
... (can't find the other one; it's disappeared from my facebook feed).
But anyhow, following my stream of consciousness, I'm now thinking about tonight. I will take K with me to Barbara's Bunch, which will be held at a shop called At Ease Games, located on Miramar Road, not far from where we live. Afterward, we'll meet Peter back home (he's spending the night) and Peter and I will dive the Cove in the morning. We'll bring our snorkeling gear, too, for use later, in the afternoon, with K.
Peter has told me that one of the things he liked about me was the ease with which I use the word "fuck." I've heard comedians' great skits (particularly the first one I ever saw, by George Carlin, whose humor, intelligence, and sense of decency I loved while he was alive and appreciate even more now, when I watch him on Youtube).
As a term, I remember when I first noticed people, mainly teenagers, using the word as a "swear" word.
I was in Germany, in 1988, as part of an exchange program at my high school. I spent a few weeks in the city of Frankfurt, with a family whose name I no longer remember. The family I stayed with had Romanisch roots; their ancestors might have been considered "gypsies." It appeared that all the German high school students regularly used the word when something happened that was not to their liking, much like the way that many Americans will say Oh, shit! upon closing the car door with the keys in the ignition. It's been over twenty years since then (just missed my 25th high school reunion this year). I think it was George Carlin who said at one point that an entire sentence can be made, only using the word fuck, with different inflections, for each part of the sentence. Without using "fuckity-fuck-fuck," we don't even need that!
I remember shocking the guidance counselor at K's middle school when I went in for a conference about a year and a half ago. She was concerned that K was not interacting with other pupils quite as much or quite in the same manner as the other kids (I hesitate to use the word "children" because she's 12 at the time). The counselor'd said something about K not responding to the other kids in a typical manner for someone her age (I forget the exact wording now), and I said to her, "Well, if she doesn't like them, they can go to hell." My friend, Joe, who'd accompanied me to the meeting, told me later how the shock showed on her face (I must have been either oblivious to, or had blocked out, her physical appearance at the time). Oh, well. Words are words.
There are better essays out in cyberspace about fuck:
http://inoveryourhead.net/the-complete-guide-to-not-giving-a-fuck/
... (can't find the other one; it's disappeared from my facebook feed).
But anyhow, following my stream of consciousness, I'm now thinking about tonight. I will take K with me to Barbara's Bunch, which will be held at a shop called At Ease Games, located on Miramar Road, not far from where we live. Afterward, we'll meet Peter back home (he's spending the night) and Peter and I will dive the Cove in the morning. We'll bring our snorkeling gear, too, for use later, in the afternoon, with K.
Friday, August 1, 2014
Recipe
I just forgot what recipes I'd thought to write down to share. They are on the veg spectrum, but not necessarily vegan (I don't think I'll be departing from my consumption of dairy). Actually, that brings to mind the movie that I wrote about last week (or was it the week before?): "Cowspiracy." I'm planning to take K and Peter to see it on one of the upcoming Sundays (I don't remember off the top of my head which Sunday it is).
Chewy Chocolate Ginger Cookies
Ingredients:
• 1/2 bag of dairy-free chocolate chips
• 1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1-1/4 teaspoons ground ginger
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1 tablespoon cocoa powder
• 1 stick of margarine (I used butter)
• 1 tablespoon grated ginger
• 1/2 cup packed dark-brown sugar
• 1/2 cup unsulfured molasses
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 cup granulated sugar
Chewy Chocolate Ginger Cookies
• 1/2 bag of dairy-free chocolate chips
• 1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1-1/4 teaspoons ground ginger
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1 tablespoon cocoa powder
• 1 stick of margarine (I used butter)
• 1 tablespoon grated ginger
• 1/2 cup packed dark-brown sugar
• 1/2 cup unsulfured molasses
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 cup granulated sugar
Directions:
Mix
together the flour, ground ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg and cocoa powder.
In
a second bowl, blend butter and grated ginger with an electric mixer
until fluffy. Blend in the brown sugar and then blend in the
molasses.
Dissolve
the baking soda in 1-1/2 teaspoons of boiling water in a small bowl
and add to the wet mix. Beat in half of the dry mixture until
combined and then beat in the other half until all is well combined.
Hand mix in the chocolate chips.
Pat
this all down flat on wax paper and refrigerate for about 2 hours.
Heat
oven to 325° F. Hand roll dough into 1-inch balls and roll in the
1/4 cup granulated sugar to coat. Place on baking sheet and bake 10
to 12 minutes or until the surface cracks. Cool for 5 minutes. I baked them at 350 for 12 minutes and used confectioners' sugar instead of granulated.
This recipe made about three dozen cookies for me.
This recipe made about three dozen cookies for me.
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